Copy Cat

Dear OJ,

I have a copy cat, and I'm allergic to cats. What do I do?

-!?!?!?!?!?

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Dear !?!?!?!?!?,

I have to admit that I killed my… whoop, I mean I don't have any cats. Yes, that's what I mean, I don't have any cats. However, I once had a Kat-o and although I was not actually allergic to him, he was a bit irritating at times. I addressed this problem by ignoring my Kat-o. I let him roam about my house as he pleased but avoided any meaningful contact with him. Of course, if the LAPD happened to have reason to carefully search your house, well, that might take care of the problem.

-Juice

Bad Reception

Dear OJ,

My T.V. broke. How do I fix it?

-Clown Hater

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Dear Hater,

I can't tell you how to fix your TV. It may not show any of my movies or the wonderful broadcasting on Court TV but it does have many other uses. It can be used to settle any domestic differences you may be having with your loved ones. Also if the police ever accuse you for a crime you have a great alibi: you were getting your TV fixed.

-Juice